안녕, I'm Rachel.

Stuck In The Past: Children of the 90s grew up and left the fun behind to find a cruel world waiting for them, I'm definitely one of them.

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    It took me much consideration returning to this long lost blog.
    It took me much consideration to be committing for the next 365 days, doubting if I could ever make it through.

    Will this be the year of excitement, or another repetition of 2019. 
    The day I arrived into this foreign country, I have never once set foot on my blog.
    I have much regrets of not jotting down all the ups and down.

    The last post I wrote was 2 years ago before I abandoned it. There is so much going on yet not a single memories were written 

    I was emotionally unstable, financial was a disaster, getting demotivated from my work. Everything came within the year of 2019. I've yet to love myself enough, invest in myself enough throughout the year. For a person like me who hardly speaks from the heart, who has hard time expressing themselves, those who loses in the battle.

    At the very moment, flashing back my ups and down. With my tiny finger trying to express my thoughts across the keyboard into a sentence. It was never easy, still.

    I'm tired of losing myself, I left the pain behind. But I was still in my own comfort zone, I let it return. I wanted to care less, invest more in myself but as if there is another side of me fooling around.

    There is so much to say, so much to weep.
    But maybe, I shall let it past.

    Dear 2020, please make this year the proudest I could ever have.


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    I know, this title is going to trigger most of the parents out there. How am I suppose to know how to treat your child right without having a child my own? Simple, understanding the perspective of your child.



    Not everything is based on past tense, trends are faster than lightning. You can discipline your children the traditional way. You obey and do not talk back to your parents back in the days but children nowadays gets on your nerves just because they understand the definition of defense and their own perspective. It doesn't matter if their wrong or right, understand they are making a choice in defense, circumstances is up to them to handle. Talk it out, not putting fault by correcting them. Let them know the circumstances. If you can't bear seeing them falling, your child is going to fail the rest of their life in this harsh reality.

    Here are some tips I wish to share with you, if you would stop being so ignorant.

    Verbal Abuse
    This is common in Asian country. Parents way of thinking is...this will trigger your child to be a better person. But think again, hearing all this harmful words from someone who is the closest to you is not "It's for your own good". Example such as "useless", this is a very strong word that can change a child's thinking. This tradition has been passing on, it is slowly fading away because a lot of grown up kids experienced it and they didn't want it to happen on their own child. Ignorant parents will find no fault and continue trigger their kids. I repeat, calling your child useless will not make them useful. They need support.

    Comparing
    There is no fault in comparing. Because the world is competitive, kids needs to be train. What I meant is in a healthy way. Children has the most pure and sensitive heart, it is up to you as a parents how are you going to raise them, in such competitive world.

    Dear children,

            There will be kids who are smarter than you, there will be kids who are more unfortunate than you. You may look up at smarter kids but never look down at unfortunate kids. If you're happy with your result, I am happy for you. If you're not, we will try harder.

    Let your kids be curious if they don't study hard, do not remind them. You may play around with them and say "If you're ever wondering what's the purpose of studying, you can ask daddy or mummy anytime." Make them question you, not questioning them when they are at their worst. And the answer is, study allows you to gain more knowledge so you will not get bully in future, because you will then know how to self defense. Most importantly, you will be able to express yourself. NEVER EVER JUMP TO CONCLUSION LIKE, you will earn more money by studying hard. #bullshit

    Use your words wisely
    Instead of "give it to her", you may say "Please offer some of your goods to her".
    Instead of "enough of excuses", you may say "could you please elaborate".

    Its all about the correct way of expressing. If your child fail to express, give them time. Do not pressure them, this is a training. Do not raise your voice (they will hear it very soon from the harsh reality, most important is not from someone who your kids are closest to), though it was unintentionally. Apologies when you're suppose to politely even if you're an adult. Kids has dignity, everyone has it.

    Let them express
    It doesn't matter if it right or wrong. After your child has finished expressing, appreciate and be thankful. For example, "thank you for sharing your thoughts". Keep questioning them without pressure, ask them as if its voicing out from you. No matter how small its matters are, talk it out. Quit saying "you'll find out when you grow up", quit jumping to conclusion. Let them ask more step by step, if you start to feel frustrated. Congratulation, you have just created a barrier that will never be gone.

    Status
    Always update your child on your status no matter how young they are, they will be curious. Let them know in a way they can understand. Turn it into a story, how brave you were defeating a monster during work. How horrible the monster was. It is somehow distressing. As they grow older, they will understand your intention. Tell them your financial, make a secret between you two. "Mummy is out of gold this month, because I gave it to the angels so they could protect you from harm." Make up something that could make your child feel less left out. This is a way of showing love, not hiding anything.

    After reading this, you will be either continue being ignorant or improve yourself. I am not alluding any parents out there neither my parents, it is based on facts. In another way of saying, it leads to tradition culture which you couldn't really control. Thank you for reading once again, I will see you tomorrow.

    PS, I will be heading off to Singapore tomorrow and good news there will be video vloging very soon! Can't wait to share it with you all.


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    Back then when I was 11, I studied so hard on Japanese but it's either I was too dumb I couldn't remember any vocabulary other then か(ka) and あ(a). Instead of memorizing the words I decided to skip and jump into sentences. I have practice book given by my uncle but maybe it wasn't my beginner level that's why I kept forcing myself to read though it was wrong!

    Why didn't I go for Japanese classes? I was learning purely out of curiosity, my parents would kill me because it wasn't cheap at all. I do not watch anime nor anything related to Japanese but their lifestyle. I do question myself a lot why did I even bother to learn sometimes. Korean language wasn't hard as I can speak and write now, but the only problem is I have no one to communicate with that's why its dropping so bad. Yes I self study Korean too, I'm guessing it's going to happen the same thing when I can finally understand Japanese.

    The reason why I wanted to share my learning progress is because I have no directions on learning Japanese except if I pay, duhh. I did some research and learn it free from some youtube videos. And do trust me, do not buy any Japanese book from the bookstore unless you just learn it just because you're going to Japan for a holiday. It never gets any deeper on detail.

    Although I have studied so hard I never knew the existence of Hiragana, Katakana and Kanji. Japanese words have no ending, one vocabulary consists of few pronunciation. That is what confusing me. But I still managed to complete Hiragana, my mission for now is to memories it before entering katakana. Where did I learn Hiragana? Click Here

    PS, for the longest time I had taken to study Hiragana...I thought it was over but I was wrong, there were more. I'm hoping Katakana and Kanji will not be that hard.

    I will be updating about my learning process 3 days apart. Wish me luck!
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    I have very dry hair scalp causing it to be much more oily, that is why I couldn't get away from a day without washing my hair though research has proved wash less often every three-four days. I tried my best to not wash it but it just kills me mentally how greasy it is the whole day. So here are my few tips I personally experienced and it was life saving. Because, who like the combination of greasy hair and hair loss just because you didn't wash your hair everyday?




    Of course, if you love your hair. Please choose your hair product wisely.

    Wash your hair less often
    I believe many of us experience itchiness and greasy hair after a day or more without washing your hair. You can't help it to scratch the hell out of it, and all the guilty pleasure of dirt stuck on your nails just makes you go crazy. The reason why am I following all these trick is because I have recently bleached my hair and it is going to damage if I am still being ignorant. Days of attempt I have found ways to prevent itchiness with baby powder, powders that you apply on your body. Some people use dry shampoo but I wouldn't recommend it. Baby powder instantly cures your itchiness and greasy hair because it absorbs the oil. And you will feel refresh most importantly.

    The next step is to apply coconut oil on tail to prevent split ends. DO NOT APPLY all over your hair, this will only cause unnecessary oily roots. Repeat this step once a day, you will have hair growth in no time!

    Shampoo UP, Conditioner DOWN
    The reason why I don't like to get my hair washed in saloon is because they tend to shampoo the end of my hair causing it more dry. What annoys me more is, your tail is already suffering from lack of oil and the hairdresser just..sigh, you know what I mean. ALSO, you can even hear loud scratches on my head repetitively.

    Here are the proper way to wash your hair:

    (If you're not feeling lazy) apply coconut oil and any repair oil as you wish on your lower hair for 30 minutes before you shower. Then, you shampoo your hair scalp gently WITHOUT using your nail, and conditioner on your tail ( The amount of conditioner is depends on how dry is your tail). That is why some of us run out of conditioner so fast. After rinsing it off, do not fully blow dry your hair with heat. When your hair is half dry, apply any of your hair repair oil. Lastly, you may dry it thoroughly or let it dry naturally.

    Tie your hair up often
    During the three to four days, it's going to be suffering if you're not use to it. Apply baby powder on your hair scalp if necessary and coconut oil on your tail and the tie it up as your preference.

    Repeat the followings steps above, you will have smooth ad strong hair in no time!
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    It is almost 5AM. I am dozing off but my tummy is definitely not letting me go. Therefore, I will be sharing a few symptoms and cure of mine that I will go for during my cramps. I would like to make it clear that everything stated below is based on my experience, please do not take it to personal as it might not work on everyone. As for my cramps, the pain is no joke. If only menstrual leave exist in my country. SO, here are the few symptoms that I will encounter a few days before my PMS (Premenstrual syndrome). I am trying my best to not wake my parents up because they wouldn't believe I'm having menstrual pain because I was having insomnia for the pass few days.

    For your information, puberty can start as early as 3 years old according to a news i read online, nope that is not normal. Most girls starts between 10 to 15 years old. I had period when I was 10, it was consider too early for my mom. But what I can remember is, having cramps in school was the most horrible experience I could never forget. For some girls, they are lucky enough to feel painless. Unfortunately not for me, my pain goes up to 4 hours and more.

    To be more in detail, no one is allow to touch me or even trying touch things that I am connected to such as a table I am resting on, do not talk to me because talking needs energy and it hurts, do not try to fan me. Basically, just leave me alone next to a volcano, huge ones.



    Swollen Muscle, it feels strange because how could you have swollen muscle when you knew you didn't worked up much. The pain is everywhere, especially on my back bone and my upper thigh, yes I still feel the pain even during my menstrual pain. Can anyone please explain to me?

    Craving For Food, I am constantly craving for food especially at night. I tried sleeping but I kept on waking up and be like "I don't care, I need food". Because if I don't eat, the pain will only get worst. I am not making up an excuse, this is no joke. Doesn't matter if is before or during menstrual. After consuming such big amount of food, tears of remorse.

    The Pain, the pain comes gradually and it does feel uncomfortable and my emotion does get mess up. It somehow affects me mentally, I don't know how but it's true. Trust me, its hard to control. Only females can understand (sadly). To be honest, it annoys me a lot because I don't like how it affect me either.

    Next, how do I cure my pain. To be exact is how I reduce the pain. There is no such thing as no pain for a person like me that has been going through all these...pain.

    Hot Chocolate, A lot a lot of hot chocolate. My boyfriend used to get my hot chocolate automatically whenever I'm having menstrual pain. But now, due to LDR...I guess I'll need to hide at the warmest corner I could find. Hot mineral water doesn't help, somehow only hot chocolate does.

    Hot Pad, this works for any girls. It depends on hot you can handle. As for me, I will go for boiled water. I use two pad, one on my back and one on my lower tummy. I will lie straight on my bed and let the numb feeling go through my lower body like "Do whatever you want to do, I don't care" until I fall asleep.

    Because it's late night, I only had a cup of coffee. I was too lazy to make two pads.

    Menstrual Pills, normally I will go for the pills straight away if I really couldn't handle the pain but luckily I was having quite healthy meals for the pass few days. The pain was as hurtful as it should be. Sometimes I hope my boyfriend could experience it. It never works for me if I only go for one pill, I always have two pills (DO NOT LEARN). It's because my body needs it, I have no choice.

    Toilet, it's my best friend. I could stay in my toilet for 4 hours, every single time. It saves a lot of my menstrual pad. Along with hot chocolate and my two hot pad, I will never leave my toilet ever again.

    Sweat, I tried to sweat as much as I can. Because that is the only way for me to feel comfortable and helps me to reduce the pain. Please don't ask me why, I wish to know the answer too. As for now, my palm and my forehead is sweating. Pretty sure is a good news for me.

    That's it for now, I think I'm finally feeling sleepy thankfully my cramps are slowly going away. Let's just hope its going to be better tomorrow. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Leave me a comment if there is anything you would love to tell me!

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    For the past few months, it has been a roller coaster for me. Moments of joys but tears of sorrow most of the time. Things get harder mentally. Back in the days I used to chant with my mom, and roll printed prayers on papers and place it inside holy statues though I wasn't sure the true meaning behind it. I used to pray quite often when I was a child until puberty hit me I got ignorance and more childish. 

    As for now I am officially 21. According to my Feng Sui I had read last year about my 2017, I was reminded that this year will be the one of the most toughest year I will face. I wasn't denying not accepting it. By the time it reach the mid of 2017, things is went upside down. I quit my first job after numerous nights of deep thoughts, and now here I am getting an offer from Singapore. 

    "What is" getting my way? Before I quit my first job, I wanted to hold on but knowing realistically I wasn't being value how passion I am, it wasn't right. This caught me very tired in and out. 

    Now, I am patiently waiting for my working permit. Negativity has been getting my way. I worried more than I should, jumping to conclusion to quickly. I was so desperate to get out of these zone. But my mind control is stronger than I expected. 

    *I do not want to mention the reason behind all these negativity thoughts because it is not worth to remember nor to be recall* 

    This is why I chant mantra, I beg for help. I know I shouldn't asked for help when needed, I should pray for gratitude. I remember clearly back in the days I pray with my eyes close, I witness bright light though it was pitch black. I feel comfortable and positive, it maybe I was pure. But strangely, my first practice of praying after so long, I burst into tears without any reason. I was holding back my tears as much as I can because my parents were sleeping right next to me. I wanted to pray privately because I didn't want anyone including my family members to know I cried.

    I must admit it has helped me a lot. My insomnia has reduced, my mind is calm. I woke up early surprisingly because I have been waking up 2 to 3 in the afternoon for the pass few weeks. I feel so much energy mentally. The one thing I learn about mantra chanting, try your best not to find excuse to pray for yourself and others. I know humans are selfish when they achieve their happiness but always remember to thank god by praying truthfully no matter what religious you are. I wouldn't say I have experience in mantra chanting because I stopped for so long, I would say I am practicing slowly to regain my power to reach my god. It's never too late to be thankful.


    ॐ मणिपद्मे हुम्  :
    It is very good to recite the mantra Om mani padme hum, but while you are doing it, you should be thinking on its meaning, for the meaning of the six syllables is great and vast …. The first, OM … symbolizes the practitioner’s impure body, speech, and mind; it also symbolizes the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha…. The path is indicated by the next four syllables. MANI, meaning jewel, symbolizes the … altruistic intention to become enlightened, compassionate and loving…. The two syllables, PADME, meaning lotus, symbolize wisdom…. Purity must be achieved by an indivisible unity of method and wisdom, symbolized by the final syllable HUM, which indicates indivisibility…. Thus the six syllables, om mani padme hum, mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha….

    — His Holiness the Dalai Lama
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    Shush! I know I'm losing content, I'm working on it. But as for now I would love to share with you my favorite YouTubers, personally I do video blog so make sure to check it out (If you have yet not seen any of my Vlog, it's because I am waiting for my working permit approval so I am able to document my daily lifestyle). My full time job is video editing and so does my passion.

    And Today! I am going to share you my 2 favorite YouTubers, they are one of the reason why I decided to continue doing video blog which does not requires any worry, especially worry free from ANYONE satisfaction. Also, because I have moved to Singapore which makes me more excited to document my lifestyle according to how I like it to be shoot and edit, duhh.

    I am not going to categories them because they are my inspiration that makes me realize  what I really love. Since I have been working, things just went upside down (excuse). And my life is just so fucking booooring, I have no where to explore and show you guys. I always seek for perfection and things just mess up. But hey, not everything needs to be perfect, document my shit and edit it as my favor on the right moment. Post it up share it with my friends and family. PAAAAM, it's a memory!

    Without further or do, let's begin!


    krist & yu // http://www.kristyu.com

    You might find my videos somewhat alike with Krist but I swear I love her so much, credits goes to her! I love the way she talks, her content and her everything! If I am not mistaken, she's a Korean born American? Please correct me if I'm wrong. And holy shyt I just found out she's 19 years old, please tell me you haven't update your website (I'm sorry I fail as a subscriber). You can obviously tell she's an art student from her style of video. One of my reason to get my ass back to video blogging is definitely an indirect support from Krist! Though I am deeply regretful for deleting all of my vlogs I had made few years back. Why...Wonder if I will ever meet Krist, allllllll the way from US. Oh Well, haha.


    Mira's Garden // https://goo.gl/HtUvum

    안녕 我係Mira! Mira is a Hong Kong Chinese who is currently base in Korea as a full time YouTuber. She uploads new video everyday at 10pm (A role model of mine), I decided to post a picture of her following by her channel link attached on its title (It was hard for me to pick the best out of one). She self studied Korean for 3 months and continued in Korea for a few years. Her content is always entertaining, and I would love to be like her one day being able to talk to the camera without worrying if anyone is staring at me. I felt connected with her because I personally self studied Korean (because Korean class is expensive as fuck) and I speak Chinese, Mandarin, English and a bit of Malay. Let's just hope I will meet her one day.

    Of course I have few more favorites but let's just go slow and focus one at a time shall we? No doubt this two wonderful YouTubers has remind me what I truly loves! Thank you for reading. I will see you tomorrow at 8pm.
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